I Will

Carson set his elbows on the table and listened, although his gaze glued itself to the far wall.

...I lost you, our baby, and your brother, because you always think you need to do things alone...

...you'd never let me in and I was the one to suffer...

Those were the words that hurt the most. The blame. It was a clear as day. This. All of it. All the pain. All the suffering. The separation. Their child's death. Alec's death. It was all his fault. And always would be.

Tears sprang into his eyes as he struggled just to breathe. He wished Mackenzie wasn't here - he'd walk out right now. But he couldn't and he felt trapped. Suffocating.

Misty's next words hurt just as much. She could blame herself now all she wanted, but her first words had been more true. That's where her honest feelings were. Her taking the blame was just twisting the knife and making him feel all the more pain.

Ready to respond with words he might regret, he saw what she'd just done. Before he could think, he was on his feet and at her side. Grabbing a paper towel, he took her hand without asking, and wrapped her finger to slow the bleeding. One of his tears had escaped to run down his cheek. "I can't fix it," he whispered. "I just..." His voice cracked. "I can't fix any of it." He finally had to turn away, feeling as though all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. "I can't fix what I did." He put his hands to his head and held his eyes shut tight but it wouldn't stop the tears. "I can't bring... our baby girl back and... and I can't bring my brother back." He sucked in his breath and almost choked. "I've tried... so... so hard." His voice continued to shake as he tried to control it, but it was of little use.

He turned back to Misty as his heart felt as I it were being torn to shreds all over again. "You... are what makes my heart beat," he whispered shakily. The tears continued their silent march down his weary face. "Without you... I die a little more every day." He shook his head and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "But you deserve so much more... than I've given you. I can't... I can't ever make up for any of it."

He took another breath but still couldn't look at her. Not while he said these words. "So if you still want me to let you go... I will."

Turning around quickly, he exited the kitchen and made his way out to the front porch. Leaning on the railing, he withheld the scream that was straining to be released from his lungs. All he could do was let the tears fall and curse the day he'd ever been caught by the Elite.


As Ryan's fingers took his, Hunter automatically wrapped his around hers too. When she shifted to see his face, he turned a little, finding her eyes only inches from his. And his heart rate picked up just a little more. 

"You're welcome," he responded softly. Caught for just a moment, he then turned his face to the ceiling and gave her a playful squeeze. "Now go to sleep. I gotta get up early so I can help around the barn and make time for a ride tomorrow."