Focus On

"Okay, um..." JT looked at the clock as he poured his coffee. He hadn't been sure Bree even wanted him along, but was glad she did. He wanted to know what was going on with Gunner just about as much as she did. "My shift ends in about an hour. After that, I'll change clothes quick and come pick you up and we'll head straight to Brookshire..." 

...It was several hours later. The meeting room in the main Brookshire building was set up to be homey. With carpeted floors, some house plants, a big window, and soft chairs, it was far less stark than other parts of the building. A round coffee table provided space for discussion without it feeling like a meting room. It did still have a formal air about it though, and one that put Gunner on edge. He sat in one of the overstuffed chairs, his feet pulled up so he could hug his knees in a subconscious attempt to comfort himself. Going through the tests had been bad enough... waiting for bad news was even worse. 

As the door opened, he glanced up hopefully - and seeing Bree, he wasn't disappointed. Standing up, he walked to her quickly and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. He was losing track of days, and it felt like forever since he'd seen her. 

JT stood back, his heart aching as he watched. Gunner was obviously so very lonely, and Bree missed him so much... they had to figure this out and get him out of here before it destroyed them both. 

Dr. Hawks came in directly after, and gave them a few minutes before suggesting they all sit. Gunner's gut twisted into knots as he took the same chair again, making sure Bree sat next to him. He made an effort not to act nervous, but he still had to pull one knee close, and was glad for the warmth of his hoodie. 

Dr. Hawks started by explaining the tests they'd run, and used a whole bunch of words Gunner didn't understand, which JT helped clarify. "...even though it's not one hundred percent, they think they found what could be causing some of your issues," Dr. Hawks concluded. 

Gunner swallowed hard. "What?" 

"Well, Dr. Easton thinks there's actually a bone fragment that's loose and putting pressure on this area here." Dr. Hawks set a print out of a brain scan on the coffee table, and pointed to where a particular area was circled. 

"A bone fragment?" JT blinked. "From what?" 

Dr. Hawks shook his head. "Easton isn't positive, but he thinks it's from along the edge where the metal plate is. He said most likely it has nothing to do with the original injury, but that it could have been cause by any kind of trauma after that." He looked to Gunner. "I imagine in your line of work, you've taken a tumble or two?"

Gunner nodded slowly. "Yeah... I guess. I mean... I've gotten knocked around a bit."

"Mmhmm. Easton believes at some point, you had a concussion that maybe you didn't even know about - or you did, but it didn't cause enough trouble at the time for further investigation. That, combined with natural aging could cause issues around the original injury." 

Gunner was still confused. He scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to think - which wasn't as easy as it should be with the meds they currently had him on - which frustrated him to no end. "So what... what does that mean anyway?" 

"Well, nothing is for certain, but Easton believes if there's a bone fragment that's pressing against - or causing damage to - this particular nerve center, that could be causing a lot of your instability." He paused, letting that sink in for a moment. "You know the little voice that tells us not to touch a stove when it's hot? That area of the brain contributes to that common sense." 

JT sat back in his chair, the wheels in his mind turning from a medical standpoint. "So that would also influence decisions like disappearing without telling anyone... or stepping off a ledge."

"Precisely." 

Gunner sank down a little further in his chair and his eyes shifted over to Bree. There was actually a medical reason he'd been doing all those things? 

"Gunner, we've talked about your obsessive compulsive disorder," Dr. Hawks continued. "It may manifest itself somewhat differently than most patients, but that's basically what has caused a lot of your anxiety surrounding your past. Dr. Easton agrees with me that this condition could have been brought on by your original accident. Most likely you didn't suffer from OCD at all as a teenager, but now it's something you'll need to deal with the rest of your life."

Gunner's gaze fell to the floor and he shifted uncomfortably. Being diagnosed with a form of OCD wasn't something he liked to think about, especially since he knew that's what caused him to obsess about his parents' death over and over and over again.

Dr. Hawks shook his head. "I think you also have a tendency towards depression which can also be hard to battle since yours is a chemical imbalance. However... if what Dr. Easton is saying is true - then that explains why you've felt so out of control. Why you've moved beyond the psychological battle of obsessive behavior, and into the realm of actually making poor decisions. You don't really want to kill yourself, but that little voice in the back of you mind has quite literally been turned off." 

"You think." JT remained realistic.

"Yes. The tests alone cannot confirm Easton's guess, but it's a good guess." 

"What would you suggest then?" 

Dr. Hawks sighed. "The only way to know for certain if that's what's happening - and to fix it - is surgery."

Gunner's blood rain cold. "Brain surgery?"

"Yes." Dr. Hawks knew it was best to just give it to him straight. "It would be exploratory. But if a fragment is actually found, they would remove it and also see about any repairs that might need to be done." 

Gunner's other leg came up so he was hugging both of them again. 

JT saw his fear and it made his heart hurt all the more. They needed the whole picture though, and as a doctor, he knew there were many risks involved. And they needed to be stated out loud. "And the risks?" 

Dr. Hawks pursed his lips grimly. "I'm sure you would gain more information from talking to Dr. Easton himself. There's a lot of medical terminology and explanations he could go over with you about all of this. But the one thing he did mention to me was the risk of losing fine motor skills, and possible memory loss." 

Gunner's head shot up. Was he serious? They wanted him to have surgery where he could come out of it, even worse off than he was? 

"Why those two areas?" JT questioned. 

"The medical science is beyond me," Dr. Hawks admitted. "But Easton talked about the different areas of the brain that would be affected by the procedure. Because of how they would have to go in and remove a fragment, it would pass through more than one area that could affect him. And... as we all know... sometimes the brain reacts very differently than anticipated." 

"So I could end up a vegetable." Gunner's eyes flashed with a mixture of fear and anger. "You think it's a better idea to end up like that than where I am now?" 

Dr. Hawks remained calm, used to Gunner's outbursts. "Dr. Easton is confident the consequences would not be that severe."

"Unless something goes wrong."

"Yes. I won't lie to you. Everyone here knows good and well how risky any kind of surgery is, and how much more risky any kind of brain surgery is. Best case scenario is no further damage, and a clear road to recovery that would begin the instant the fragment is removed." Dr. Hawks paused. "If there is a fragment in there... leaving it in will just worsen your condition over time, and eventually even more damage will be caused. Surgery is a risk - but doing nothing could be fatal..."

...The room was quiet. Gunner and Bree had been left alone, and Gunner hadn't moved from his chair, or even dared look at her again. These were not the kinds of answers he'd wanted. These were not the kinds of decisions he'd wanted to make. How could he? It seemed an impossible task. 

He turned his head to rest it on his knees while looking at Bree. "No matter what... I risk losing you," he whispered. "I don't know what to do."


Sam's last comment caught Hal so off guard that he couldn't help laughing. "Well okay... you are pretty amazing." He grew a little more serious as he looked back at her. "You really are... this would suck a whole lot more without you here." Without warning, his pulse quickened. His nostrils caught a scent of her fragrance, sending an odd set of tingles down his spine, and his eyes locked with hers. He swallowed hard and forced his gaze away, turning to grab another chip to chew on, desperately trying to get his mind back on track. But all of a sudden, he was very aware of how closely he'd sat next to her, as they were touching. 

"I know you're right," he finally mentioned. "I know I'm not really losing Alison. It just... feels that way. And I can't help this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is just the beginning of her pulling away. I can't explain it, I just... know it's going to be a long time before I see her again." He shrugged lamely. "I don't... know what else to focus on."


Axel nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. I know his mechanic skills would be a great addition around here at the very least. I'll talk to him again to see if he's serious, then have him swing by for an interview with Darrel." 

"You wanna let anybody else in on your little secret over here?" Miles had wandered closer and peeked over Ryan's shoulder. 

Axel grinned and shook his head. "Nope. Sorry. You'll find out soon, though." 

As he walked away, Miles' jaw dropped and he came around to look at Ryan. "Serious? That's it? Come on, we know something's going on. What it is? Leo and me won't tell anybody... promise..."