Focus

Feeling Ryan touch his face, Hunter finally lifted his gaze. Instead of finding the dismay or horror or anger he expected, he saw worry... forgiveness... and kindness. Another tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have someone like her taking care of him and shouldering this with him. 

As she settled back next to him, he curled his fingers around hers and stared at the far wall, mulling over her words. "I just... it... I mean..." He slid down a little so he could rest his head on her shoulder, and closed his aching eyes. He was quiet long enough that one might think he'd fallen back to sleep, but really, he was desperately trying to clear his head enough to make sense. "When I was at the ranch the first time... with Katie..." He swallowed hard. "Mick really helped me. He's an alcoholic too so he understood. I got dry and when I got back here... I guess Katie kept me on track 'cause she doesn't drink and I didn't think about it as much." He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. As painful as this was, it was a relief to finally tell Ryan. 

"Last time I fell off the wagon was when I realized Katie still loved Jason. I didn't know how to cope so... I brought a bottle home and drowned my misery." His fingers toyed with hers nervously as he spoke. "I got a hold of Mick and he told me I was an idiot, and I got myself straightened out again. Then... then yesterday... I dunno what happened." He paused again as the guilt hounded him. "No, that's a lie." 

His eyes opened and he sat up straighter to lean his head back on the wall again, but turned to face her this time. His gaze proved how heavy this burden felt to him. "I gave you the short version of my life once... and sometimes it comes back to haunt me and... and I get scared that people I care about are just gonna reject me... or abandon me. I got reminded yesterday of some of the things I'd lost out on and... I couldn't get it out of my head, and I just wanted to get my mind to relax so..." 

He sighed. "I really thought I could just go and have one drink and walk away but... but I guess not. I was stupid to think I could control it like that." His eyes searched hers, truly wondering why she was still sitting here. "The next couple days, I... I'll prolly wanna drink real bad... then it'll ease off again and... and I just..." Tears entered his eyes once more. "I just need someone to tell me no... and help me focus on something else."